BREATHLESS INTIMACY
by A N D R E A C U L L E N
Summary: I was breathless as I shaped my mouth to fit his. His perfect lips were pressed to mine. My heart pounded. I choked for air. BELLAS TALE. LOVE, in the end, CONQUERS ALL. the carry on from ECLIPSE REVIEW
1. BREATHLESS INTIMACY

I was breathless as I shaped my mouth to fit his as he pressed his perfect lips to mine

Breathless Intimacy

I was breathless as I shaped my mouth to fit his.

His perfect lips were pressed to mine.

My heart pounded.

I choked for air.

_I can smell his breath; I can feel the definition of his chest against mine._

_I can't believe I'm finally doing this..._

_For this I have waited, I have waited for so long and now it's here._

_But why am I so unsure? Am I unsure about wanting this?_

As I gasped he moved his tongue down my lower lip to trace it, then my jaw, across my cheek, around one of my closed eyes and down my nose. He repeated this cycle three times over as he held my back, scrunching my shirt in his fist.

_Oh, you stupid girl! Of course this is what you want; this is what you have always wanted._

He crushed me to his perfect body. With his other hand he massaged my calf, which, he had moments before pulled up to rest on his hip.

As we lay on the luxurious king sized bed, I could feel that I was ready. In the few moments that I was able to clear my head, I realised; right here, with the reason for my _existence, _on an overly priced honeymoon that my now father-in-law paid for, I knew that I was ready.

He kissed me again with sudden edge of enthusiasm and when he again sensed that I was becoming breathless, he moved down my neck to the base of my throat. He gently rolled over, moving me onto my back and him gently holding himself so that he hovered on top of me.

"I like getting carried away," I eventually managed to, quite obviously and quite breathlessly, whisper, "and I'm glad you finally decided to join me in doing so."

"Mmm."

I shaped my body to fit his, I rubbed my fingers repeatedly around his neck, then moving down his spine, roughly tracing his shoulder blades and tensing muscles. We rolled over to our side again.

_How could I not want this? This is perfect, he is perfect, that's the only possible way to describe it, all of it; simply perfect. _

My other hand first tangled itself through his hair, and then joined the other tracing. He returned to licking my lips.

"It's actually getting quite addictive, I can see, now, why you have always wanted to be irresponsible," He chuckled, "this is a good choice as one of your last human experiences."

"Why thank you, I'm glad you think so too."

Our legs intertwined, his smooth skin soothed mine. His hand that was on my calf, holding it there now moved up the back of my knee, up my thigh and hesitated. His fingers stayed there, barely touching my chilled skin. He lifted the remaining hand from my back and twisted his fingers through my hair, removing the strands from my eyes. Our lips were together now, moving together. I could sense that he was nervous, but just as eager as I was. I reached for his collar and with my hands shaking I started undoing his shirt.

_What am I doing? He'll never allow this._

So I waited after only opening his shirt slightly, but he didn't object, he didn't sigh and start to push me away. I waited. Sure that he would tell me that my intensions were putting me in danger.

_Huh? He might actually be letting me do this. _

_We might actually be doing this._

I quickly reached back to his chest and held his body close to mine; waiting. His lips left mine and drew a line with his tongue from my mouth to my ear. He pressed his cheek to mine and whispered in his simply perfect voice.

"Do it, Bella," His voice was unsteady but definite, his breath was uneven but soft, "do it and don't even consider stopping. You know how badly I want this. I want… no, I need you."

As quickly as I could, without thinking, I ripped his shirt off. I pressed my chest against his. I suddenly felt secure, as if nothing else in the world mattered or would ever matter. I wrapped his fingers in mine and lifted my sweater over my head using his hands. He returned to rubbing my thigh and holding my back. I pushed his hand further up my leg and shaped his hand to cup around my cheek. He smiled his crooked smile and started kissing my throat again, pushing harder and deeper into me with every passionate kiss. I tugged at my skirt, willing it, that just this once it would slide off easily. He rubbed my hands, calming them, and took them off my clothes and onto either side of his waist. He slowly unzipped his pants and flung them across the room with one simple flick of his wrist.

_I feel so vulnerable, and yet I feel so wicked?_

_Am I really doing this?_

We lay half naked - me in my impossible skirt, and him in his boxers – wrapped in each other. Never have I felt so close, so absorbed by someone. I stroked his perfect body, every curve, every muscle, making myself familiar. He held me in his strong, confined hold. We kissed each other, neither of us ashamed or embarrassed of our heavy breathing.

_This chill, this warmth, _I sang in my head, _this could last forever._

I reached for his hands; he released them from my hair and my body and let me guide them to my chest. At first he seemed hesitant, resisting my pull, but then let me use his hands to massage my breasts. I let go of him and returned to rubbing my fingers against his smooth skin. He continued to feel me, not in a sly way, but with every touch of care and gentleness in his being.

"You really want to do this, don't you?"

"Yes." Was all I could manage. Then he smiled

"I'm sure you're aware of how much I do too, but I'm not doing anything without making sure this is what you want. You're sure you're ready?"

"Yes," I groaned, but far from annoyed with him, then I put on an angelic voice, "I'm as ready as will ever be. I want you inside me, so please do it already." He laughed.

"As you wish."

Suddenly, he ripped our remaining clothes off and tossed them onto the ground. He crushed me into him. He rolled over so that he was on top of me and laid his forehead on my collarbone, kissing the skin just above my cleavage. A shiver ran down my spine.

_He seems to know what he's doing, _I told myself._ Just go with it_

I felt a tingle sensation on my hip, his fingertips slowly drew lower. I felt myself become wet, I couldn't breathe, I needed air but all the muscles in my body froze. I waited. My shallow breathes filled the silence, as he too stopped.

Then, with such force, he pushed himself into me, deeper and deeper. I gasped for air, making a slight moaning sound. He held me tightly so I couldn't move, my chest thumped up and down as I took two deep breathes. He released slightly, and then half a second later he was inside me again. He moved with such force that no one would call him gentle; the pressure made me edge backwards as he started again. He moved into me, further with each thrust. I refused to think. My throat made gurgling noises that couldn't escape my mouth. I tilted my head backwards and grabbed at his shoulders, ripping at his back. He didn't stop, he moved in and out of me. His breathing was heavy; his face was pressed against my breasts. Then he looked up at me smiling. He deeply inhaled but didn't let go. He pushed again and again. He pushed the wind out of my lungs; he pushed my body into the soft mattress. He wouldn't stop, he wouldn't let go.

He continued to drive, drive deeper. Drive further.

I whined, I whimpered under his strength. I didn't know what I was doing.

I found myself moving with him, onto him. We wouldn't stop and I didn't want him to.

He realised, then, what I wanted. He pushed, much further than he had before. I gasped, my chest nearly exploded. I screamed. I screamed with every part of my being, I scratched his back over, but he did it again. He forced himself into me just like he had before. I continued groaning, I didn't know where these sounds were coming from.

_What is this feeling? _

_I want him; I want him more than I ever have._

He slowed. He removed himself from me gently. He took a few deep breaths and started to relax his tense body.

His hands cupped around my face and he locked his eyes with mine.

"I know I shouldn't be with you, but I love you, Edward." I breathed.

"I love you, too, Mrs. Bella Black."


	2. LOVE AND PROTECT ME ALWAYS

No ones watching, no ones watching

Love and Protect Me Always

_It's you, you and you only. _ I told myself.

_No ones watching. How can they? _

_No ones here._

_Only you can see yourself._

Shakily, I took another hesitant step. It wasn't that I was scared, or unsure of what I was about to do, I just didn't want to embarrass myself.

I held my hands so firmly together that I couldn't feel the tips of my fingers anymore.

Only one was here, but it was family. Charlie, Renee and Billy, weren't sitting and watching. No one stared at me as I walked.

My friends from La Push; Billy, Sam, Emily, Quill, Embry and the rest of their _pack_, couldn't make it either.

I walked for the last time.

Not the last time as Isabella Swan.

Not the last time as me.

It was the last time alone, alone without family and friends.

This morning was the last time I would ever wake to find no one lying next to me. The last time I would have to worry about eating dinner alone, because now, Jacob was in the picture.

Jacob had, a month ago, proposed. We were sitting under _our _tree, and I was encircled in his arms, listening. We had walked along the beach like we had so many times before, throwing rocks into the crashing waves, and we had kissed in the sunset. Hundreds of Christmas lights shone in the tree above us, - but Jacob convinced me that he didn't know why – so we sat while the sun was going down, and long after dark, surrounded by light. The lights were twirling, evenly, perfectly, along the branches, and then where they couldn't reach, candles on glass plates glowed within the leaves. The flames didn't blow out, for there was no wind. The sea was calm, shimmering in the moon light. There weren't any clouds. There weren't any people.

Just us.

Jake had been recalling all of our memories together, not missing one embarrassing fall or slip on my behalf, or a funny one-liner on his. He was careful not to mention _him,_ or his family, or anything that we had put long behind us. He had been telling me about the first time he had kissed me, and then he tightened his hold around my waist, leaned into my neck and breathed:

"I've always wanted to be with you, I've always wanted to hold you in my arms. I promise to never leave your side, I promise to always be the man you want me to be. I love you, Bella, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

He hadn't waited for my answer, but we both knew it was yes. He kissed me all over; my lips, my nose and my hands. If I didn't scream stop from all the tickling, he would've moved to my legs, kissing each of my toes.

I blinked into the present as Jacob took my hand. At first I didn't let go of my fingers, but then I saw his face, and I knew there was no reason to doubt us.

"I'm giving myself to you now, Jake. I know you will love and protect me always."

"Thank you, for everything, Darling." Jacob said slowly, in a steady, but almost confessing voice.

Then he turned and led me up the few steps to where the overweight Priest stood, holding an oversized bible. No one stood either side of him. No one sat in the church peers. I hadn't become close to anyone again besides Jake, so I was always up at La Push. There I found myself for the second time. I got use to spending most of my time with Jake that there was no one else I needed to be with; no one that needed to witness my wedding.

I could've worn jeans and a sweater if Jacob didn't insist on getting dresses up.

Billy had left Jake with his life savings. No one ever knew that Billy was so rich; he simply didn't have the desire to spend any of it. Over the years the money increased, and now Jake and I could afford to travel around the world, ten times over.

We reached the little marking on the floor made from masking tape, and stopped.

_This is it; one of the best moments in your life. Make the most of it._

I slowly took a long, exaggerated breath and looked up. I was sure that this was what I wanted; this is what I'm meant to do, but A wave of panic flew over me.

What if I can't say I do?

What if I do say I do, but then Jacob doesn't?

What if Jacob doesn't want me anymore?

I paused, not listening to the one hundred and twenty-five year old man babbling on about God's love. I faced Jacob, looking for reassurance in his eyes, but as he noticed I had turned, he assumed a similar position. His smile reached his eyes; he showed much more than I needed.

He looked into my eyes, and never before had I ever met his stare the way I did now. His eyes were gentle, warm, loving. He looked down at me with such beauty that I realised I had never, really, noticed all the colours, all the patterns and swirls his eyes offered. How his pupils changed their size after he blinked. How firm but encouraging his gaze was. Never before had I been more attracted; more in love with him than I am this very moment.

_Of course, so dearly I have always cared for him._

_I have always, from the start, fallen for him._

_Though, how had I not realised, how deeply and madly I am truly in love with him?_

_How could I have ever fooled myself?_

_How could I have ever denied that I am unmistakably meant for Jacob Black, and he for me._

_I'm marrying him now, and not the slightest, nor the biggest change in the world, will ever make my feelings for him differ._

Jacob leaned towards me. He released his hands from mine and lifted my chin so that he could lean forward and kiss my forehead.

"I do," He breathed, "With every inch of my being."

My heart stopped. A breath taking shiver went down my spine.

_He said it? He really said it?_

_He really wants me?_

_He wants to spend the rest of his life being with me. _

_He does._

If anyone asks me how I felt when he whispered the sweet words I do, I won't be able to respond. Forever, this feeling of relief, confusion and utter happiness will run through my veins. My blood will boil and speed, running through my body with such fanatic that I will fail containing my joy. Colour will spread across my cheeks. I will stutter and stumble, searching for words, when it is already too obvious.

I am eternally in love, with the wondrous, Jacob Black, _my_ Jacob Black.

"Isabella Swan," The old man grabbed my complete attention by clearing his throat, and clearing my head, "Isabella, do _you_ take _Jacob Black…_

_Ahh. For the first time, the very name made my body collapse. _

"As your lawfully wedded husband, and promise to care for him till death do you part?"

_No thinking the answer for this one._

"I do."

The priest then said something about kissing, but I was already ahead of him.

"I love you Jake."

"You know how much _I_ love _you."_

"Oh, just kiss me!"

Then, Jacob quite literally swept me off my feet and didn't stop kissing me until we got outside the small church into the morning. I had insisted on a night time wedding, it was more romantic this way. Besides, not one soul was here to complain about the unreasonable hours, so we made it what we wanted it. He took me straight to the car waiting on the street.

No one threw flower petals to fill the air, no one cheered to fill the silence. No one congratulated us, wishing us best hopes and commenting on the perfect couple we were.

We didn't pose for photos; no presents were accepted. It was just me in his arms; and that was all I needed.

"Excuse me driver," Jake grinned. It was the one I loved; my smile; my Jacob. Then he continued sheepishly, "Would you be so can kind as to escort my new wife and myself to the airport?"

"Are you sure we're not rushing, I mean, a honeymoon already? We just got married!"

"I love you, Bella; I don't want to waste anytime time with you. It's just too precious." He was serious again.

"Ok. Let's go on a plane for the next fifteen hours and see whether you change your mind or not." We laughed.

At that moment, the driver pulled the car from the side walk and took us away into the sunrise. I knew then, that I would never sleep an endless night wishing that someone would hold me, love me. I knew that with Jacob, I would never be alone.


	3. HOW I CAME TO LOATHE MISS TALIA ROSE

My Envy for Miss Talia Rose

How I Came to Loathe Miss Talia Rose

"Here, let me help you," Jacob insisted, "I'm taller, I can reach easily."

"I can do it," I grumbled, but then I glanced at his perfect eyes and sighed, "You don't deserve your good looks; you can't help but use them."

"I do what I can." He replied, laughing, and then winked at me.

We had just gotten on the plane to our _rushed_ honeymoon. We came straight from our wedding; so I had to change in the car. Jacob didn't complain.

"Which seat do you want?"

"I don't want the window," Jake rubbed his stomach; the very stomach that owned six bulging muscles all tanned and shapely, "It makes me motion sick."

"Maybe I'll like the view?" I sweetly suggested.

Jacob finished stuffing our bags in the over-head compartment and sat down in the seat next to the one with the window. He had purposefully pushed in front of me to get to his spot first. He looked up at me and smiled _my_ smile.

"I guess you'll have to crawl over me now." He pointed out smugly.

I raised one eye brow and walked past the two vacant seats and up to him. I leaned millimetres away from his face and placed my hands on his thighs. I then pulled one leg over his and faced him as I sat on his lap.

"That's no problem," I breathed, "Only if you don't mind."

"Are you kidding me? I didn't know you could be so sexy," Then his head snap to the aisle, "With a few fans of course." He continued.

Standing with two bags was a young man, he looked about fourteen. We didn't pay much attention to him, at first, but then he introduced himself and sat down on the furthest seat from the window; leaving one seat between him and Jake.

"Hey! I'm Jordy; it's nice to meet you," He shook our hands and jumped right into conversation. "I'm here with my sister, Talia. We were on our way back from visiting family in Canada, when we thought we would detour. We've traveled all over America!"

Jordy seemed pleased himself. Only once did he breathe in between his rambling.

"Talia should be here soon; I don't know where she's gone!"

I looked at Jacob; what magic we were sharing a few minutes ago had faded. I lifted my leg from his body and slumped into the uncomfortable plane chair.

"I hope we don't have to put up with this for the _whole_ flight." I moaned.

"I'm sure it'll be fine. He doesn't have to talk to you, you can hide behind me."

I leaned into his arm and started kissing his shoulder. He lifted my face to his, smiled and kissed my lips. He started to move down to my throat, when again, we were interrupted.

"Jordy! How come you get the end seat?" A voice yelled from the end of the plane.

"My legs are longer, they need circulation." Then Jordy groaned and demonstrated his reason as he let his long legs stretch up the aisle. As a figure reached him, he got up to let Talia get to her seat.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm Talia Rose."

"That's ok, I'm Jake, and this is my wife, Bella." Jacob offered her his hand, but barely lifted his head. Talia took it, but jumped at the heat. "Sorry, I'm running a temperature." He didn't pay much attention to the new arrival, as I pressed his face to mine, afraid of what he would see if he turned. Past his hair I could just see her face.

She was beautiful.

More than that, she was stunning, adorable, and gorgeous. Any woman would envy this girl. I did.

She tucked her fringe behind her ears. Her wavy golden brown hair flowed past her shoulders and spiraled at the ends. Half of it was tied back messily, but perfectly, and presented with a ribbon. Her hand came up to her face, and with such gracefulness, rested under her chin. She licked her shapely, slightly pouted lips and smiled at me.

That smile…

It was warm, generous. It almost reached her eyes.

Then I glanced up, ever so quickly, but as did, time stopped. Her eyes reminded me of Jacob's. They were a soft hazel, and yet every colour possible; they reflected all the light the sun had to offer. Her long lashes covered her eyes as she blinked.

Then she turned away, embarrassed.

My body tensed, a chill ran though me. My stomach twisted and churned, I felt sick to my core.

_Talia. _

The very name made my mind race. It was exotic, genuine; my name could never have the same affect as hers.

_Bella Swan. It seemed too dull, nothing that would stand out, but Talia…_

_Miss Talia Rose._

I cleared my head. Why did I feel such dread and hatred towards her? What made her so special? Was it her drop-dead-gorgeous looks or her sweet, calm voice?

The sudden overwhelming, course changing revulsion in my thoughts caught my attention. I had never been jealous or envious of someone, especially when I had all I ever wanted. She wasn't a threat; she wasn't going to take anything from me. She wasn't going to steal Jacob, so why hate her?

"Jake," I stumbled, "I'm not feeling very well. I might go to sleep."

"But Bella, you can't…" Then he noticed my pleading, "The plane is taking off soon. You can snuggle up to me then." We laughed.

"Thanks Jake, I love you."

"I love you, too, Bells."

"Do you…" I hesitated, then put my arms around him and leaned into his neck, "Do you promise to love me, forever?"

"What? Of course I do. I married you didn't I? I waited for you, Bella; I waited on the side lines…" I cut him off.

"But do you promise that nothing will come between us?"

"Nothing, I promise."

I couldn't argue. His gentle eyes were locked with mine, and every vein in my body knew that he wasn't lying.

He lifted his hand up to my cheek and kissed my forehead. The plane had taken off, so I wanted to encircle myself in Jacob's arms, but I couldn't. I couldn't let my mind wonder, when a beautiful, attractive girl sat next to _my_ Jacob. She _wouldn't_ take _my_ Jacob.

_Wait. Why am I having this discussion with myself? She's one single, insignificant girl._

Jake_ married _me. _Nothing can take him away from me._

"So, Jake, When did you guys get married?" Talia's soothing voice sang in the noise, compared to all the other chatter.

_No, don't look at her._

Jacob smiled at me, and then turned to face Talia.

"This morning…"

Suddenly there was silence. I could hear Jacob stop mid-sentence; his air supply cut off. His hands formed into tight fists and for seconds at a time he didn't move. He sat, staring at Talia. Seconds felt like minutes, then felt like hours. Has he noticed how beautiful she is? Has he looked into her eyes, and felt the mystery that I did?

His hands slowly started to shake. His shoulders hunched up to his shoulders.

Then as quickly as it had occurred, it disappeared; he released his fingers from his hands and the whole of his body relaxed immediately. He faced me.

"Bells, how about we go for a walk?" His eyes locked with mine. His face was hard, as if he silently pleaded me to say yes.

"Sure, Jake. My legs are starting to cramp anyway."

I jumped up from my seat and pulled at his hand till we were safely away from Talia.

I tried to act as if nothing had happened, as if I hadn't noticed, but how could I not have?

Jacob was just as bewildered with her as I was. He was just as amazed, just as admiring.

"B-Bella," Jake stuttered, "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

"What happened back there, Jake? You just froze."

"I, I don't know, I'm so sorry"

"No, Jake. What's wrong? Was it _her_? Her face or her body? Just tell me Jake, it all looked pretty good to me."

"Bella, it's not like that. I couldn't control myself."

"What do you mean? Is she too pretty to think straight?!"

"No. I love _you_. I don't know what came over me. It was just when I… looked at her, everything seemed to move. I suddenly felt sick, I couldn't breathe. I just don't know."

"Are you telling me that all this happened as soon as you looked at her?" Then he was sure.

"Yes, as soon as I faced her." He held my hands and stared down at my infuriated face. I looked back at him, his eyes were impossible to read. They mixed anger, confusion and desire. What was he telling me?

_Oh, no. I have always been afraid of this._

_Every waking day, I have wondered when this will happen._

_Jake told me it was impossible for him. He said that I had nothing to worry about. He had laughed at me when I told him that I was scared that it would ruin him being with me._

"Are you telling me?" I paused. I couldn't say it. The very word would choke all the air from my lungs, my eyes swelled and filled with tears, "Are you t-trying to tell me that… Th-that you just… y-you just… _imprinted_?"

"I'm so sorry." Was all he whispered.


	4. THIS MY LOVE IS OUR GOODBYE

"You imprinted Jacob

This is a Goodbye, My Love

"You imprinted Jacob?! I can't believe this!"

"Bella, it's not something I control. You think I wanted this?"

"I don't know what to think any more, Jake" I could hear no one but myself, yelling, screaming and accusing Jacob. For hours now, I have been walking around the room trying to get my head straight.

_He imprinted. Oh my God!_

_I always knew this was going to happen! How could I have let myself become so vulnerable?_

Jake sat on the double bed, which we normally would be lying on, together. _Normally_, we would be lying, holding each other, he would be kissing every part of me, and I, tracing his body. We would be eager, but nervous. _Normally,_ we would be telling each other how much we belong together, how much this was meant to happen.

Not this time.

_This_ time, we were arguing, we never argue! It was all because we rushed this bloody honeymoon!

_I know we should've waited. We could've gotten here tomorrow and none of this would've happened._

"Look Bells, I wont do it. I'll resist her. No one has ever tried, but I'm sure I can."

_What? You're prepared to do that?_

"Jake, I don't think that will work. I know you'll try, but you imprinting is destiny."

"Don't say that." Jacob shook his head. He was fighting with himself. I knew that right now, instead of being with me, he would much rather be holding _her_; and loving _her._ He could be walking with her, along a beach, as both of them threw rocks into the water. Then they would sit under a tree and talk. He would learn everything about her. He would tell her about the imprinting and him being a werewolf, but she wouldn't be frightened. She wouldn't scream and run, because the love and affection he offered would be enough to supply the whole of America.

I cringed. That was meant to be me. _She_ was going to replace _me_. I use to be the one walking on the beach with Jacob, but not anymore. Being with him was impossible now.

Jacob loving me was impossible now.

_Do it, Bella. Just say it's ok._

_He is meant for her, he will live a fulfilling life with her and they will grow old together._

_She will make him happy._

I slowly approached him, almost as if he didn't want to be close to me anymore. I sat next to him and lay my heavy head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of me head.

"I love you, Bells, you and only you."

"No, don't put that on us. You know that we can no longer be together." I choked on the last half, "I want you to be with her; I want you to be happy."

"Bella…"

"Please, stop."

"But, Bella…"

"Please!" Out of no where I was yelling at him again. Before I wanted him to stay, I couldn't bare the thought of being without him, but now it was different. Now I didn't want him near me. I wouldn't be able to stand being in the shadows; wishing that when he was holding me, that he actually wanted me. I would know what he was thinking, he'd much rather her, he'd much rather stare, for hours at a time, at her angelic face; then take a single glance at mine. "Please, leave Jacob."

"What? Why can't we talk about this?"

"There's nothing to talk about. _We_ can never be, now. You love her more dearly than you can ever love me. You have to leave."

I didn't look at his face. I didn't want to see the tears swell up and run from his eyes. I didn't want to see his body go limp and his big, gentle hands catch his head. I didn't want to see him give up; give up on everything that we had gone through together; everything that we had done for each other. I didn't look at my love, my reason, my husband.

Then he sniffed and cleared his throat in attempt to pull himself together.

"If that's really what you want."

"It's not what I want; it's what needs to be done. You know that, don't put this on me."

"As you wish."

At that moment, he grabbed my face in his grasp and kissed me. It was desperate, the most loving way I had ever been touched. I kissed him back; I tangled my hands in his hair as I too started to cry. Our tears fell together, dampening the bed sheets beneath us. We both cried for pain; we cried for misery. We cried for our love.

Then he was gone.


	5. REPLACING EXISTENCE

Replacing Existence

Replacing Existence

He was gone.

_Gone. _

He had gone, and left me sitting alone, on the tear dampened bed; crying. The fingers on my right hand stroked the aching skin on my left arm. My fingertips were burning from the chill my body produced, for I had just lost my warmth. I pulled my legs, up towards my chin, and rested my forehead on my knees. I couldn't remember how long I had been crying for, but I never stopped. I never stopped wanting him to comfort me. Although he had just shut the door, I felt he had been gone forever. I wanted him back, I wanted him to simply walk up to me and tell me everything was fine, but I knew that that would never happen. Nothing would be the way it was before. I would never be with Jacob again.

_Surely, we could stay in touch._

_We could write letters like we have in the past, just like two year olds._

_I would tell him how much I missed him, and he would say how much he wished he was with me._

_We would talk about meeting up somewhere, just to check on how the other was doing._

_We would be friends._

_Friends. _I liked the idea of friends. It sounded loving, it sounded as if he still cared. If we were friends, we could still see each other, we could still talk to each other. Yes, friends.

I took a deep breath. My lower lip still trembled, but I was beginning to feel better. I wasn't losing Jacob. Just the names we would be called; husband and wife. I wasn't losing his love; he would still want me, just _her_ more. I wasn't losing what Jacob and I have built; the friendship and care that had grown between us. No, I told myself, no; all of that can still exist, Jake and I can still be. It wasn't going to be easy, but I could live with that. I could settle for knowing that I wasn't going to lose _everything_. There had to be something I still had.

_For years I haven't seen my family._

_I have nothing close to a friend._

_I didn't have a home, so I didn't have any neighbours._

Nothing; I had no one. No one could say that they knew me, no one could claim me. _No one_ but who I use to have. Jacob use to be _my someone_, we had belonged so well together because we were each others someone; each others savior, from the hard stab of rejection that this cold world knew so knew so well.

I shuddered, a shiver ran through me as I realised I had no one now. My airways blocked and my lungs collapsed. There has to be someone. There has to be at least one single being, which could say; I know Bella Swan exists.

I slowly lifted myself from the bed and walked to the window. I leaned against the frame and looked through the foggy glass thinking, desperately wishing that I could recall that special 'being'; that person that I wanted so badly, for I now, had no one else. I knew there had to be someone, I could feel it. I could feel it deep inside me somewhere. I knew that there was someone still alive that I could lean against. Someone that I could visit and tell the story of how I came to be here, the way I am. Someone that could help me become myself again, but whom? They couldn't be family, they couldn't be a friend. I couldn't have seen them recently; I couldn't have stayed in contact, because if I had, then I should remember them. I should, but how come I can't? What have I done to myself to teach my body, my mind, to retain this someone? What extreme measures did I seek to make sure I never thought of this person again?

_I wonder…_

I stared through the window, wondering. It was dark outside, now, and I could barely see the swaying trees only centimeters from where I stood. My eyes squinted, trying to get a clearer view of the rustling leaves blowing in the howling wind. I focused on the branches, next, I leaned closer to the window; for some odd reason I was interested in that tree. Was it because it was so mysterious, because I couldn't see it so clearly?

I reminded me of myself.

My eyes scanned the tree. What was I looking for?

Then I saw it; a faint glisten amongst the leaves. I ripped my hands of the window frame and pressed them against the glass.

There it was again.

The wind blew the leaves apart for the slightest second, and I saw it. The moon was reflecting off something in the tree, something that was meant to be hidden.

_Was it just a figure of my imagination? _

_Do I think I have found something because I am I in such desperation to find it?_

I opened the window and leant out; searching desperately for what I thought was there. I stared at the same spot in the tree for endless minutes. Why couldn't I see it now? Was I going completely insane?

"Please," I whispered, "I know I saw you, why can't you show yourself?"

Then I saw the familiar sparkle out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head towards it and it jumped out of the tree and at me. I was knocked back. I shut my eyes and let my body fly through the room behind me. A slight whimper escaped my mouth, as I was waiting to fall. I waited to hit the floor with extreme force, but I didn't.

My hands felt the bed sheets and my head felt the pillow. I was too scared to move.

_What just happened?_

I gradually opened my eyes. My vision was hazy, everything seemed blurred. A tall, lean figure towered over me, shielding my face from the yellow light that hung from the ceiling. It looked down at me; it seemed to be deep in thought; assessing the situation. I gazed back at It, and for some reason I didn't feel afraid. I didn't want to run and scream, I just wanted to look at It; I was strangely curious.

I could barely see the features of Its face, as they too, were shadowed from the light; but they were beautiful; perfectly symmetrical. Its lips were pursed, but I could see how they curved; how they were so soft and subtle. I tried to imagine the soothing voice that would leak out of them; it would be husky, but like velvet. I looked at the texture of Its pale skin. This must have been what I saw in the trees, this flawless skin had reflected the moon light.

I tried to stop, but I couldn't; I couldn't stop looking at It. I couldn't resist It, I couldn't bear taking my eyes of It. In every way, It was perfect; any model could only dream of having this face, this skin, these lips.

It looked down at me, and I met Its gaze. Instantly I lost my train of thought. My body froze, my heart stopped. I could feel every part of me tense, I felt constricted. I couldn't move. The weirdest feeling started to burn inside of me, it felt like a sewn up wound had just been re-torn. I felt sick, my mouth was dry, and my hands were sweating.

_I've seen these eyes before…_

Then so slowly, It blinked. It closed its familiar eyes, and hesitated. It was waiting; waiting as though every part of It ached, as though It's body had just been released from every prison it held itself in. It waited as though for the first time, It felt human.

When It lifted It's head to look back at me, one single teardrop fell; one single teardrop that landed on the back of my hand.

Not one second had past, and it was already at the window, crouched on the frame. I could tell that It hadn't meant to hit me, I wasn't meant to have seen It. It hadn't made a sound, It hadn't taken a breath; and yet I felt I had been hearing It all along.

It turned and for an endless second, it looked at me again.

_Why did It have to leave so quickly? Why did It have to leave me?_

I didn't know why, but I didn't want It to go; I couldn't handle it disappearing through the window. I couldn't handle watching It, so effortlessly, leave me, when I didn't know what it was; _who _it was.

"Wait." I breathed.

It stopped, halfway through the window.

"Wait," I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to say that I knew It from somewhere, somewhere deep inside me. "Who are you?"

It didn't move, It didn't ignore my pleading and run away; but It froze, It's body went frigid, every muscle tensed. Then it whispered:

"Someone who shouldn't be here."

I could barely hear It. I could only just make out the words that were muttered under It's breath.

"Why?"

It started to leave.

"Please!" I screamed, "Please, tell me how I know you."

For the slightest moment It glanced back at me.

"I can't do that."

"Please, I need to know."

"No."

I took a step towards It, but It turned toward the window again.

"Don't." It warned.

I took another step; trying to edge closer without It realizing.

"Please. Forget I came here."

Then, for the last time, It crouched as if to jump.

I ran; I sprinted as fast as I could to the window and grabbed Its wrist.

"Don't leave." I begged, and for the first time, It let Itself go; It let Its body relax. It let out a single breath from It's perfect lips. It faced me, looking Its arm, looking at where I was holding him. It's face melted and then smiled a crooked smile.

Suddenly, my past flashed before me. I saw myself in his arms, kissing his lips. I saw myself telling him that I loved him and that I could never survive without him; and then I knew.

I pulled him towards me and crushed myself into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his cheek to the top of my head.

"You remember me?" He choked.

"Yes, Edward." Was all I could manage.


	6. THE EPIC TALE OF OUR LONGING SURVIVAL

The Epic Tale of Our Survival

The Epic Tale of Our Longing Survival

Edward and I lay on the king sized bed. We had been silent for a while, now, but it wasn't uncomfortable; we didn't sigh and edge away from each other. We were entwined. I was encircled in his arms and playing with his hands, and he was pressing his chest against my back, and laying his chin on my shoulder. I could feel the sweetness of reunion lingering in the air as we touched each other; as he held me.

_I can't wait any longer, I have to ask him._

I let go of Edward's hands and shifted my body to face him. He immediately let go and repositioned his marble figure to shape around me again.

"Edward," I looked up at him and kissed his nose, "I have to talk to you. I need to know _everything_." He looked down at me and nodded, he didn't seem surprised that I was curious, almost as though he had been expecting it.

"I'll tell you everything. What do you want to know?"

I hesitated; I didn't know where to begin. I didn't know how to start the epic conversation that Edward and I were about to have. I cleared my throat of all emotion, and continued, "Where have you been?"

_I waited, Edward didn't seem to be thinking of the answer, he already knew it; he was just seeking the bravery to say it._

"I've been looking for you." He muttered, as if ashamed.

"All this time?"

"Yes." I nodded in response and blinked back the tears; I thought he had forgotten about me. I didn't look for him because I thought he wouldn't want me, I thought I had hurt him too much that he would never want to be with me again.

"But you never found me."

Edward glanced away. He didn't look at me for endless seconds before he answered.

"There was a time, I thought maybe, maybe you didn't want to be found, and that you were running from me." He lowered his voice to a whisper, "I didn't know what I would do if I was to find you; _if_ I found you. I thought that you probably didn't want me to search for you." Edward then took a deep breath and locked his eyes with mine. "Besides, I left for you, Bella, I didn't want to, but I had always said that if you wanted me to, I would go. I couldn't come back, like last time, and so I kept myself away. I did what I had to, to stop myself from taking you, and forcing you to be with me." Then he chuckled unexpectedly.

"Oh." I mumbled. I could only remember it all too clearly. The day he left, I couldn't hold myself together. I had screamed at myself for so long that I couldn't open my mouth without my bottom lip trembling. I didn't eat anything, I didn't see anybody. I just sat with my arms wrapped around my knees shaking; regretting.

"I have never forgiven myself for leaving you." Edward whispered.

"_You_ didn't do _anything_," I snapped, "It was all _my _fault. I should never have done that to you; I was horrible. I haven't gone a day without thinking about it, without wishing that it didn't happen." My voice cracked as it softened, "I'm so, so sorry, Edward, I have never tried to shake off the guilt, I don't want to. I take the blame for this, entirely, because it was _my_ fault. I don't know if I am worthy of any forgiveness." I stared up at him, my eyes stern. He didn't like the idea of me taking all of the responsibility, I could tell, but he let it go.

"Of course you're forgiven; I'm physically and mentally incapable of holding a grudge against you." He smiled, and then changed the subject "Now, tell me, what has occupied all of _your_ time?"

"I've been in Alaska."

"The whole time?" Edward raised both his eyebrows, looking intensely curious.

"Yes, this whole time," I said quite smugly, but then I looked down and studied my own hands; a slight wave of panic flew over me, "and even though I stayed in the one spot, you didn't find me." I froze, hoping it wasn't obvious that I was upset over him not looking hard enough. He probably wasn't looking very hard at all; he probably didn't want to find me. My heart almost stopped with the sudden realisation of me being unwanted; unloved, finally hit me.

When Edward noticed my shallow breathing and thumping chest, he leaned into me and lifted my chin gracefully with his perfect fingers. His eyes stared into mine and as if he had heard what I was thinking, as if he felt what I was feeling.

"I never stopped looking for you. I never dared the thought of resting until I finally held you in my arms. I ran through every forest, I swam through every ocean, looking for you. Bella, I can't tell you how much it nearly killed me, not having you, I can't tell you how many times I considered returning to the Volturi for the last time. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of not, ever, seeing you again." Then, so suddenly, he stopped. His fingers released my chin and he cupped them around the side of my face, his thumb brushing the tears from my cheek. His reassurance had made small droplets of salty water leak from me eyes. I felt my face blush as I realised that I haven't shed these tears for a life time; not since he left. My body hasn't crimpled and fallen since he left. I haven't felt every part of my being constrict until breathing wasn't possible, after only hearing such simply words. I haven't loved for truly loving, not simply liking the idea of love, since he left, but now, I have. "Bella, I knew you were in Alaska…"

_What?!_

"…but before you say anything, I need to tell you why. You see, a while ago, I went to Alaska, I had been running for so long that I could barely keep my thoughts clear, but no one could've missed you. As soon as I laid my eyes on you, I, I completely froze. For so long I had been searching for you, and now, finally, I had found you, I couldn't take my eyes off of you, but I couldn't let you see me. I couldn't find the courage to let you know that I had been looking for you; I couldn't walk up to you, I couldn't speak to you. So I just stood there, and watched, I waited.

"You were sitting on the top of a towering rock that was in the middle of a lake. At first, I thought you were just sitting there, shaking from the cold, but your head was buried in your arms, which held your knees, and your whole body was trembling. After a few minutes, I wanted to get closer, to see if you were alright, but at that moment, you moved. You pulled yourself onto your unstable feet and held your hands as fists by your side. Then you lifted your head, and I saw you, I saw your face. I couldn't think, I couldn't feel, all I could see was you, and I felt at ease. I felt all the muscles in my body relax, and I could breathe," He paused, "but then, I saw your eyes, and all of the happiness I had just felt faded," Edward stopped to clear his throat. He was struggling now, I could hear the strain in his voice, I wanted him to go on, but I didn't need reminding. I could remember that day, now, just as easily as every other. Every morning, every night, I would sit on that rock and wrap myself in my arms. I wouldn't do anything, I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't sleep; I would just wait. I knew what I was waiting for, so that was all I continued to do, I waited for the better.

Edward lowered his head for the slightest second, but was quick to reposition himself.

"When I saw your eyes, I admit, I was shaken. It felt as though all the joy that my body could find vanished. You were crying."

"I cried every day, Edward, ever since you left."

"I know. I have seen you cry more than a thousand times, I have heard you scream in agony many more times than I thought I could cope with, because everyday since then, I followed you. I walked closely behind you, watching you. I saw you re-marry…"

"I thought you had forgotten about me."

"Technically, we are still married." He mumbled, and my heart sank.

_He remembers?_

"I know, I know, but I had thought about us for so long, that I didn't know if _we_ still existed," I wasn't sure how to say it. Edward had been so honest with me this whole time, how could I not tell him? How could I not tell him how painful it was for me to watch, so many times in my head, him leaving me? "You see, when I sat on that rock, I was thinking, I was fighting and arguing with myself. I didn't know what to do; I thought that I would never see you again. I was in so much pain that I had to do something to sooth my misery. It wasn't easy, I had to use every part of me to do it, but… but I forgot you. Everyday, I sat on that rock, and I trained myself to never think of you; to never remember your face again, if I ever saw it. I thought that you would never want anything to do with me, so I didn't want to run after you. I knew that, eventually, I would have to search for you, but what if you didn't want me back? What if you had moved on and found someone else? I couldn't even think of there being another, so I did the only thing I could think of. That's why, when you were at my window, I didn't remember you. I had fought so hard with myself that I had managed to forget your voice, your face. That smile of yours though, was a problem." A hint of laughter escaped my lips. It was all I could do to try and distract Edward from what I was telling him; to distract him from my shameful past.

"Don't worry, I understand."

"How could you possibly?"

"I got to see you everyday, even though I never got to get close to you, or to touch you, I could see that you were safe. I had the reassurance of knowing that you were alive, you didn't know anything about my existence."

"That still doesn't excuse what I did."

"Bella, none of that matters, now. We are together and that is all we should be thinking about." He smiled.

I couldn't help but smile back, but it didn't reach my eyes, I could feel it. I enclosed myself in his arms and curved my back to shape into his marble chest. I lay holding my hands tight together, my jaw clenched. Edward had come back, bringing all of the hurt that I had felt in Alaska back with him. I could see, all too clearly, the night that he had left; the night that our fight had caused us both such pain and suffering. I didn't want to remember, but it was all flickering in my thoughts so desperately, that I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop the agony that I was about to feel, and I couldn't stop the remembering of the last night Edward and I shared together, almost a life-time ago.


	7. THE BEGINNING

I slowly lifted my head from the cold, hard forest floor that lay beneath me

The Beginning

I slowly lifted my head from the cold, hard forest floor that lay beneath me. My fingers ran through the pieces of bark that lay around my body, I felt confused and disoriented, I couldn't see anything, and I couldn't remember anything. I lifted my hand to my face to pull away the strands of hair from my eyes and I could feel the pain surge through my veins. A burning sensation filled every inch of me, and I could feel my eyes widen even though black bags hung underneath them from sleep deprivation. My heart burned; it felt as though it was pounding, but struggling. I twisted my neck to the right, then the left, hearing the cracks that popped when I had gone too far. As I looked around me, I had to squint to see clearly.

"Bella?" A familiar voice asked, whispering softly as though not to startle me. "Honey, are you okay?"

"I think so, Edward, I'm still a little dizzy, though."

"How's the pain?"

"Bearable." I muttered, even though it wasn't. I hadn't experienced anything like it; my whole body ached, I felt as though I was burning, and it was never ending. "Actually, it sucks; nothing has ever felt as excruciating as this." Then, before I could say, or even think of anything else, I was encircled in Edward's arms.

"I'm sorry I ever let go of you, but I wanted to get you some clean clothes for when you woke up." He said, frowning.

I looked down at the dirty, torn flannelette top and jeans. They had scratch marks and small stains of blood all over them.

"Thanks, I'm glad you did." I smiled reassuringly, and Edward grinned back. Then he pressed his marble lips to mine.

"Hmm," Edward pulled away, looking disappointed, "You taste different."

"And that's a bad thing?" I asked, shocked, and slightly offended.

"No, just… different, but I guess I could get use to it." He added smugly, changing his expression from dissatisfied to pleased. He enjoyed being able to lighten my moods so easily.

"Better." I teased, but really, I was quite embarrassed. I glanced down at my hands, as blood flushed my cheeks. Edward froze.

"Bella, are you blushing?" This was something he asked often, but this time there was no humor. Had I made him angry?

"Umm, yes, you know I do."

"Not any more you don't, you don't have any blood."

"Wh-what do you mean." I stumbled.

"You mustn't have changed properly." Edward reasoned, though only talking to himself, "You probably still have a few hours to go."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're a vampire now, Bella, we don't have any blood. It doesn't make any sense…" He muttered, "You've been here for three days, which should be long enough."

"Edward, are you saying something's wrong with me?" I was shouting now, but he wasn't listening.

"I don't understand, this isn't right, maybe Carlisle will know something?"

"EDWARD!" I screamed. My faced turned bright red and my hands started to sweat, "What's happening to me?!" Edward's snapped his attention to me, I was infuriated. His eyes softened, his muscles relaxed, and then he held my face in his hands and whispered his velvet voice.

"I don't know, but we're going to find out, okay? We're going to fix this. I promise."

I nodded, he picked me up in his arms and held my face close to his. A familiar crooked smile broke out on his face as he kissed my lips. Then he swept me away from the open meadow in the forest near Forks, still smiling.


	8. LOVING YOU FOR ETERNITY

The One with Eyes Blacker than Night

The One with Eyes Blacker than Night

Edward's hair flicked in the wind; he ran at such speed that it seemed as though it would never return to its usual state, but he always managed. I didn't really notice Edward's hair, I was always to busy looking at his eyes, but now, in his arms, my face inches from his; I couldn't help but look at everything. I wonder if he uses gel…

"What are you looking at?"

"Oh, nothing." I answered angelically. He was looking down at me now, his warm, hazel eyes on mine. "Do you use hair products?" I asked, and suddenly, Edward tilted his head back and let out a burst of laughter.

"Bella, so are so absurd." He said, smiling now, attempting to refrain from laughing. "Must a man tell ALL his secrets?"

"I guess not, but whatever you do, it looks…" I paused, deep in thought, looking for the perfect word, and then I giggled to myself.

"Looks what?!" Edward pleaded.

"Sexy." I teased, as he broke into another fit of laughter.

"Well, I'm glad you think so."

Then we both returned to our own thoughts. I continued to stare at Edward, and he watched where he was running; every now and then glancing and smiling down at me.

"Ah." He set me down on the front door step of his luxurious home which he, his family, and now, I, lived in. "We're home."

He placed his arm around my waist and led me to the front door, but instead of going inside, I stopped. I had caught a glimpse of our reflection in one of the windows, and I couldn't help but look at myself. My clothes were, indeed, torn and stained, my shirt had only half of the buttons done up, my jeans were ripped around the knees, and I was only in socks.I automatically lifted my hand up to fix my hair, when I saw the skin on my hand. It was smooth and pale; I felt as though I could almost see my reflection. I bent all my fingers, curious to see if they would work the same as before, when they reflected the light into my face. I looked back in the window at myself and my body froze. My face had the same straight nose, and pointy out ears, but I was _beautiful_. My cheeks were pale, like my hands, and my wavy brown hair flowed past my shoulders. I licked my dry lips; they seemed more, well, succulent, then before, they were slightly, but permanently pouted. I still had bags under my eyes, but they were barely noticeable against my shining skin. I glanced at my own eyes, and every muscle in my body tensed. They were black, pitch black. Blacker than coal, blacker than night, they looked as though they had no life, no history. Then I heard a voice in the distance. It sounded as though it was coming from the forest to my right, I turned toward the direction trying to pin point the source, when I smelt it. The addicting aroma of human blood, I could smell it, and I wanted it. A sickening motion burned inside me. My fingers curled, and my knees nearly buckled.

"Edward, I need to go."

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward said as he tightened his hold around me.

"I need to leave."

"Tell me, are you scared?" I ignored him and pulled away. "Where are you going?"

"I don't feel so well. I need some air." Edward wouldn't let go of me. He looked in the direction that I was heading towards, his eyes went stern and his jaw clenched.

"You're thirsty, Bella, you have to resist it, I'll take you hunting once we talk to Carlisle."

"Let me go, I know what I'm doing."

"I'm not letting go of you, you're not going anywhere."

"I _need_ this." I pleaded.

"You don't need human blood, resist it Bella."

"Stop telling me to resist it, I can't, I simply can't. Let go of me."

"No, Bella."

"Stop trying to control me." I was near yelling now, Edward didn't say anything. "Well? Get your hands off me."

"You're overreacting."

"What?! _I'm_ overreacting? You're the one who won't let me do what I want. You're just over protective."

"Try to calm down, please, you're starting to cry."

"Stop telling me what to do. I can leave if I want to; I can have blood if I want to. I can _smell_ it, Edward; I just want a little bit."

"No, you'll regret it afterwards."

"How do you know?! You don't know anything!" Edward paused.

"I know how it feels."

"Then let me go!" I screamed.

"I'm sorry, but if you taste human blood, it will be harder to become vegetarian."

"I will only have it once."

"I don't know that."

"You don't know anything! I don't need you telling me what to do; I don't WANT you telling me."

"Bella…"

"No!" My face was red by now and my hands in fists. I was waving my arms around, showing my frustration, but he still didn't let go of me. I was pulling and screaming, but I wasn't really trying. I was so concerned with my anger, and holding back the tears, that I never really focused on my strength. I pulled away from him and easily ripped out of his arms. "I'm stronger than you, now. I don't need you."

"Think of what you're saying, Bella. This is completely unreasonable."

"I know what I'm saying, and I know what I want."

"You're a new born. You're so thirsty that you think that what you want is blood, but you don't. You don't _need_ any of it."

"You don't know what I need, you're so overprotective, and you think you know what's best for me."

"That's not true."

"Oh it is, Edward. I can handle myself. I don't need you protecting me, I'm a vampire now, and I can take care of myself."

"Bella, at the moment you're out of control. You need to listen to me. Come inside, we'll sort this out together. I'll help you."

"It's one person! I don't need your help." I had had it, I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't going to kill the whole town; I just needed a little bit of blood so that I could be satisfied. I could smell it, and I just needed to settle the motion in my stomach, I just needed a little bit to _taste_ it.

"Please, Bella…"

"That's it, Edward. I'm sick of this. You can't let me go off by myself just this once, so what are you going to be like for the rest of your… well, for the rest of your _existence_? You can't keep controlling me forever." Edward didn't say anything, he just watched me. He stared, his eyes locked with mine. I was so angry, that I didn't care to notice how he was feeling. He looked sad, devastated. As if nothing, but making sure I didn't run off, mattered, and this just infuriated me more. "You should just leave now, before you get any worse." I had given up, and then, so did he. Every bit of energy he was using to argue with me vanished. His hands fell by his sides, and his hazel eyes melted.

"You want me to go?"

"Well, you're only going to be controlling and over protective, so, YES!" I could hardly breathe. My lungs ached, and my body quivered. "YES!" I yelled, "Until you are able to let me do what I want, until you can let me, be me, without any hassle. I want you gone." Suddenly he turned so that I couldn't see his face; I couldn't see the pain that I had caused. His head was lowered, and his voice was only a whisper.

"I will never be able to let go off you, Bella. So, goodbye, for I will never, ever, see you again. I will let you live in peace, with out me, forever." Then before I could gather my thoughts, before I had time to realise what had just happened, he held his hand to my face and pressed his lips to mine. "But I never stop loving you, for eternity."

_And he then he ran off into the forest; never to be seen again. _

_He ran from his family, he ran from the pain. _

_He ran from me._


	9. MY FEELINGS FOR JACOB BLACK

My Feelings For Jacob Black

My Feelings for Jacob Black

I could remember the exact words I was thinking when it happened, the exact tone of his voice when he whispered such simple words in my ear. I had remembered the night so clearly, that every night since, I had dreamt it. As if it was really happening, it happened in my thoughts.

_I will never stop loving you for eternity._

_He ran from the pain; he ran from me._

My body shook, and my eyes snapped open. I could see the decorated honeymoon suite lay out in front of me.

"Bella, are you okay?" Edward's caring velvet voice whispered. I was still quite sleepy, but I managed to keep my eyes open.

"Yes, it was just a dream."

"It didn't seem like a dream to me."

"I have it all the time, its nothing." I could hear the obvious concern in his voice, but he continued anyway.

"So, you're not going back to sleep?"

"No."

"Good, I've been _dieing_ to spend time with you, well, when you're awake."

"I'm sorry; I'll have to get use to not sleeping." Then, in one single movement, Edward was on top of me, his lips pressed to mine. "Especially if you're going to be like this."

"Bella, I haven't seen you, I haven't touched you in centuries. All the time that we were apart, all I could think about was kissing you."

"Well, you better go right ahead then." Edward softly laughed, and smiled crookedly.

"With pleasure." He teased and continued to kiss me. His hands slid from my back to my waist, and then to my hip. His fingers waited there, and then they drew a line down my thigh to my calf. He moved his chest to mine, pushing me into the bed, and nearly crushing my ribs. I gasped for air, and he suddenly pulled away. "Sorry. I shouldn't have hurt you like that."

"You didn't hurt me; you were just… enthusiastic that's all." I said with a smile, quite happy with him getting carried away. "You can do it again if you like." Edward laughed but kindly refused. He didn't say why, but he seemed upset, and slightly disturbed about something. I put my hands in his and stared into his comforting eyes. "Tell me."

"Well, Bella," He whispered innocently, "You spoke in you're sleep." My cheeks started to blush, I was so embarrassed. I couldn't imagine what I possibly could've said that wasn't horrible. Edward lowered his head, and his voice was nothing but mumble. "You said that you, that you wanted me to leave." He struggled saying the words, and his voice cracked at the last bit. I knew it hard been hard for both of us, but we were back together now, the rest shouldn't matter.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that."

"Was that what you were dreaming about? The day I left?"

"Yes." Was all I could manage.

"I'm so sorry." Edward whispered, as he wrapped me in his arms, and started to slowly rock me side to side.

"It's not your fault; I'm the one that told you to leave. I, I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Then Edward smiled. "But, can I ask you one more question, actually two?"

"Depends." I teased, and Edward laughed. His voice sounded like chimes, beautiful, and admirable.

"Why did you run off with the _dog_?"

"Oh, um, that." My voice trailed off. My palms started to sweat, and my chest started to pound, my mind was racing, and I couldn't breath. I hadn't thought of Jacob since he left.

_Oh, that sounds horrible. _

_How could I have not remembered him?_

_I had told him to leave because of…_

_Her._

I cringed at the thought, I didn't want to remember. It was only a few hours ago that I had last seen Jake, but it seemed like a life time.

"Um, do you remember when I said that I had, sort of, trained myself to forget you?" Edward nodded. "Well, when I came back to Forks, I had no one. I had been living in Alaska for so long, that everyone that I knew had died. My parents were gone, and the same for everyone from school; everyone. I thought that there had to be _someone_, so I went to La Push, hoping that there might be some werewolves left. On the way there, I saw a dark figure running in the forest, and I got all excited. I was faster, so I started running after it. Went it caught my scent, it turned toward me, and I it was, indeed, a werewolf. When it saw me, it didn't move, it didn't attack or run away, and at first I was confused, but then it changed. In moments, it was a man. The man looked exhausted, his eyes were tired, and it looked as though he hadn't slept for weeks. As he walked closer to me, I could see the creases on his skin, from what looked like stress and fatigue, but he wasn't old. He didn't look scared or frightened by my appearance, he just continued to slowly, walk closer to me. I could smell him, but it didn't disgust me, it just seemed, well, normal. Just like anything else would smell to a human, I guess. I think it was because I had tried so hard, for so long, not to be myself, what I truly am, that I had become immune. Then, I wondered if he could smell me, I mean, he should be able to, unless he was like me." I was procrastinating, I didn't want to say who it was, that I knew who the tanned figure standing in front of me was, but I had to, I owed it to Edward. "So, as he approached me, I saw him. I saw his familiar face, it was Jacob." Edward nodded. He seemed deep in thought, seriously curious to what I was saying.

"And, I don't know what else to say. It was Jake! I couldn't believe what I saw. Someone that I knew was still alive, and out of everyone, it was my best friend. We didn't, well, hesitate, it was exciting, and we hadn't seen each other for years! He held me in his big bear hugs for nearly ten minutes, and then we just talked. I didn't care that he was a werewolf, because the smell didn't bother me, and I had never liked the hating between werewolves and vampires. He told me about how he had made himself use to our scent, well, our kind. He could still smell us, but it wasn't repulsive. When I asked him why, he said that it was because he had been looking for me. Ever since you and I disappeared, he had been running through every forest, searching. He was waiting for me, and for that, I couldn't thank him enough. He was my refuge, I still had a friend, and I still had someone, besides myself, to talk to. We spent every minute of everyday together, because he didn't have anyone else, either. Billy was gone, and so was the rest of the pack. They had all imprinted, retired, and grown old. Jake didn't stay in touch with their children; he thought it would be too upsetting, being reminded of his friends. The only reason why Jake never aged was because he never changed from his werewolf state. He was afraid that he would age as soon as he did, and so, for centuries, he remained a werewolf, just to find me. He saved me, Edward, and for that, I love him."

Edward seemed to understand. He didn't speak once, he didn't object, or ask any questions. He just listened.

"Thank you for telling me, Bella. I know that I couldn't have stopped it, when I was there, but it's good to know how you were feeling."

"Wait, you were there?"

"Yes, I followed you remember?"

_Oh yeah._

"You were there the whole time? For the wedding and everything?"

"Well, I kept my distance. I didn't want the _do_… Jacob, or you, to smell me, so usually I just hid."

"Did you listen to what we were saying?"

"Yes."

"Oh, my God!"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself."

"You don't look sorry."

"That's because, honestly, I'm glad I did."

"Why?!"

"I saw you marry him, I saw you kissing him. I didn't want to sit back and just watch. At every moment, I wanted to just walk up to him and force his hands off you."

"Edward…"

"I know, that was completely selfish and irrational."

"Mmm," I agreed. "Maybe we should stop talking about him; he's not in either of our favour, at the moment. Didn't you want to ask me another question, anyway?" Edward's eyes suddenly widened. For some unknown reason, he seemed excited.

"Well, before we had our… argument, we were about to talk to Carlisle. We never found out why you were blushing, and I didn't want to say anything at first, but I am simply puzzled, you were sleeping!"

"So? What's wrong with sleeping? I am allowed aren't I?"

"Bella, vampires don't sleep."


	10. BELLA'S FINALE

"Bella, before we had our

Bella's Finale

"Bella, before we had our… argument, we were about to talk to Carlisle. We never found out why you were blushing, and I didn't want to say anything at first, but I am simply puzzled, you were sleeping!"

"So? What's wrong with sleeping? I am allowed aren't I?"

"Bella, vampires don't sleep."

"Oh." How could I have been so stupid, why did I have to fall asleep? Now I have to tell him everything. "Well, it wasn't that I didn't want to talk to you about it, I had just planned it to be a little later on." I quickly replied, innocently.

"Aren't you going to tell me?' Edward seemed upset, and slightly confused. I could tell he wanted to know what was wrong with me, and it would've puzzled him for centuries.

"Of course I am. It's just, difficult, I guess."

"We have a long time together, Bella. I can wait a little longer. I'm sorry I tried to get you to tell me."

"Edward, stop blaming yourself, I understand how much you want to know. I'm just not ready to talk about _everything._"

"I'm still sorry." I then gave him a look, which made him laugh.

_That laugh, it still makes the butterflies in my stomach flutter. _

_Oh, how could I possibly reject someone like that, when I love them so dearly?_

_How could I be so cruel to him, when he followed me all these years, and then told me about it?_

"Edward, as you know; I'm not normal…"

"Bella, don't tell me because of my stupidity. Tell me when you're ready."

"No, I want to."

"Are you sure?" His expression was serious.

"Yes." Then I gave him a hard look. He leaned towards me, inches from where I was sitting.

"You being different only makes me love you more," He gently whispered, "When ever there's something wrong with you; I'm only ever more attracted. There isn't a single word you could say, that would surprise me, or make me change my mind about wanting you. As long as you're happy, so am I."

Then his face was even closer. I could taste his breath and smell his scent. Only a few more inches and…

"Bella, you're heart is racing."

"Oh," I blushed, "You could tell?"

"Of course, I can hear it." He stopped and closed his eyes, listening, but be seemed in some sort of pain that he didn't know why he could.

"I'm half human, Edward. That's the simplest way to explain it. I don't know how, and it's really complicated to know why, but I said it. I'm half human, I still have blood pumping through my veins, I still have my vital organs, I go to the bathroom and I sweat, but at the same time; I have the same hearing, strength, vision and speed that you do."

Edward didn't move. His eyes were still closed, and his body had turned to stone. I sat, silently, in hysterics.

_What does he think of me?_

_He's probably regretting ever following me here in the first place._

"I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted," I began, "I'm sorry I'm not good enough…"

I was stopped mid-sentence. My hands enclosed in his, my back pressed against his chest. His chin rested on the top of my head, as we sat on the bed, me, held in his arms.

"Don't ever say such words again. I don't want you even thinking them." He struggled to keep his voice clear of emotion, "You're all I have ever, and will ever want. _I_ don't deserve _you_. If you had been transformed into a werewolf I would still love you. As selfish as I am, I would still _want_ you."

I choked.

"A werewolf, really?"

"Of course; I wouldn't hesitate for the slightest second."

I began to blush again. Edward softened his voice, so it was just an echo in my ear.

"I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impressive just before. I was just… absorbing, the information. I had waiting so long to find out, and I had made up so many theories. Maybe you were bitten by some sort of radio-active spider." His voice let out a charm-like laughter.

"What did you think I was?"

Edward smiled crookedly, then turned serious again. "Oh, I just thought that I hadn't changed you right. Maybe I didn't put enough venom in you to affect your body completely."

_That sounds pretty reasonable._

"But I don't know," Edward continued, "What did you think?"

"I just went with it," I admitted, "I think you're right, though, Edward. Do you remember how much venom you put in me?"

"I couldn't possibly forget. I'm sure it was enough, but I can't be sure. I hadn't done it before." He looked away, ashamed.

"It's not your fault. Everything that has happened is because of me."

"Don't talk like that, Bella. We've already decided not to blame anyone."

"Even though I should be." I muttered, Edward gave me a look, but continued.

"We should be focusing more on the situation at hand."

"I'm a situation?" I raised one eyebrow, "Besides, I already know what happened to me."

"Would you care to enlighten me, then, Bella?"

"Well," I cleared my throat, "It's hard to explain, so bare with me for a moment here. Listen to everything I have to say before you can interrupt. Do you think you can do it?" I cheered sarcastically. Edward laughed.

"I'm pretty sure I can." He responded with a smile.

"As you know, I'm half human, and I think it's because I wanted to become a vampire." Edward paused, his head tilted to one side, "Everyone we know who is a vampire, has been made one against their will. They have either crossed paths with the wrong people, or they have been dieing, but I was different. I self sacrificed. I wanted to become a vampire. So what if, by some chance, I was made differently, because I chose? I look like a vampire, the beauty and the pale skin, but any vampire to come across me would be confused. They can see I'm one of them, but they can smell that I'm not. My gift is being human again. My heart beats, just as you can hear people's thoughts. I'm still immortal, and I still have vampire characteristics, I just blush as well."

"Mmm, that a very good theory, Bella." Edward pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, thinking, "You could be right, but there isn't really much of a way to tell."

"I know," I mumbled, as I too started to drift deep into thought, "But really, there no other explanation, except for your venom theory."

"It's crazy, honey, but there could be many things that could've happened."

"Then let's just stick with my one, ok?" I slightly pleaded, I thought it sounded pretty damn good, "I had it all sorted out."

"Ok," Edward reassured me, but I could tell he was hesitant. "Sure, why not?"

I smiled, and Edward returned the favour. He edged closer to me, so slowly I had barely noticed, but within the same second, he was already on top of me.

(Extracts from first chapter)

Then I was breathless as I shaped my mouth to fit his.

His perfect lips were pressed to mine.

My heart pounded.

I choked for air.

"I like getting carried away," I eventually managed to, quite obviously and quite breathlessly, whisper, "and I'm glad you finally decided to join me in doing so."

"Mmm."

I shaped my body to fit his, I rubbed my fingers repeatedly around his neck, then moving down his spine, roughly tracing his shoulder blades and tensing muscles. We rolled over to our side again.

"It's actually getting quite addictive, I can see, now, why you have always wanted to be irresponsible," He chuckled, "this is a good choice as one of your last human experiences, too bad you're already a vampire."

"Why thank you, I'm glad you think so too."

_What is this feeling? _

_I want him; I want him more than I ever have._

He slowed and removed himself from me gently. He took a few deep breaths and started to relax his tense body.

His hands cupped around my face and he locked his eyes with mine.

"I know I shouldn't be with you, because technically I'm still married, but I love you, Edward." I breathed.

"I love you, too, Mrs. Bella Black." Then he smiled that crooked smile, and I knew that I was going to be with Edward for the rest of my existence.


End file.
